Choosing Baby Names for Asphalt

Call me a small stuff sweater. Because I can totally sweat the small stuff when I am of the mind. Take street names, for example.

james watt inventorHere in Sacramento, after it ran out of letters to name the streets in this town, and before it got so suburb-happy, somebody came along and named a bunch of major streets in one area as follows: Edison Ave., Watt Ave., Howe Ave., Fulton Ave., Northrup Ave., Arden Way, Bell Ave., Morse Ave., Whitney Ave., Marconi Ave., etc…

Great. I don’t have a problem with that. It’s got a nice theme and I can dance to it.

However, when some bozo in a cubicle is assigned to name all the streets in a new subdivision, a bozo who is out of ideas but actually gets PAID to make up names and probably knocks out them during his afternoon dump, he has no idea of the consequences or the chaos he has created. Particularly when it comes to giving directions to a first-time visitor.

“Oh yeah,” your cousin Ralph says, “I live on Laguna Greens Circle. You can’t miss it.”

And you drive around knowing you’re looking for Laguna something and you drive down Laguna Woods Dr., then Laguna West Way, then Laguna Mill Avenue, then Laguna God-knows-what-else and on and on until your car’s compass spins out of control and your brain explodes and you veer off the road and hit the street sign marking the intersection of Laguna Meadows Ave. and Red Maple Laguna Dr.

Just asking for a little forethought, people. That’s all.


This post is part of The 30 Minus 2 Day Writing Challenge (today’s prompt is “And then my brain exploded“) and is hosted by We Work for Cheese.

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